Radixerus

I fucking love baked beans. I would kill a man, child or woman to get a portion of that shit. The elderly wouldn't be spared either. There is no point for my existance if I don't have the ability to devour beans. I eat baked beans for breakfast, dinner and supper. On New Year's eve I drank a liter of baked bean sauce. Throught the last year I have spent collectively over $40 000 on Heinz baked beans. My wife has divorced me and taken my 11 year old son Jimmy. During our court case, I ate 3 cans of baked beans. My family refuses to contact me and the bank can no longer track my spending records as I have gone over any imaginable debt limit. When I had a car accident two months ago I refused any liquid be transferred to my bloodstream other than baked beans. On Christmas I fill every snowglobe with baked beans and the next Thanksgiving I use them as stuffing. The only clothing I wear is Heinz merchandise. Although my plumbing bill is $7000, I strictly take baths in bean sauce and brush my teeth with hummus. Instead of gasoline, I use baked beans to fuel my car and I replace motor oil with virgin olive oil which I often use to cook my beans. The only peace of cutlery in my house is a singular spoon which I use to eat baked beans throught the day. I spend my nights sleepless, thinking about all the bowls of baked beans I could consume. I filled my lava lamp with baked beans a long time ago so I may snack at night, I have devoted my existance to baked beans and I wish my body is cremated in Heinz bean factory ovens when I am dead.